What does it mean to be free?

Freedom -The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hinderance or restraint.(oxforddictionaries.com)

There is a scene in my book, Boy Toy, where the main character, Toya, is presented with the opportunity to tryout for the track team.  Despite the fact that Toya has often found herself going for a run whenever she felt stressed, her first reaction is to say no.  She makes a bunch of excuses:  she hasschool work; she just got a perm and doesn't want her hair to get messed up; she would rather be home watching Judge Judy.  Advice from a friend stays with her:  “If running makes you feel free, why not feel free all the time?”  Toya took that advice and ran with it (pun intended) and discovered that not only did running make her feel free but it took her to places beyond her wildest dreams.

It wasn’t until years after writing that passage, did I make the connection in my own life.  I am no runner, but I am a writer and writing makes me feel free.  I write about how I first discovered my passion for writing in the About Me section on this website.  And ever since I opened up my heart to this new romance called writing, I found myself soaring, spreading my wings and dancing among the clouds.  Free.

The funny thing is, I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t free.  However, once I started writing I could see how repressed I had been: afraid to say how I felt or express my thoughts, because I was weighed down with guilt.  I knew it wasn’t uncommon for survivors of sexual trauma to carry around a super-sized load of guilt and shame—and I was no different.  I just didn’t realize how much it had affected me.  How much I censored myself, second-guessed every decision, silenced my own feelings because it felt wrong or bad.

But when I wrote, I was free.  I could say whatever I wanted without any inhibition.  After all, that’s what the delete key is for, right?  If I ever did write something that was out of line, I could always erase it.  I could be joyful, angry, romantic, sexy, petulant, devious…free—without fear of judgement.  The only judge was me.  And strangely, seeing my thoughts and feelings on paper rarely stoked the fire of my inner critic.  So I said more.  I truly feel like God deposited this gift of writing in my spirit to unlock the door to those invisible shackles that had been holding me back, since it's neverHis will for his children to be in bondage.

Now, every chance I get, I’m sneaking off to write, or read about writing, or talk with other writers about writing.  Just like any love affair, I want to be around it all the time.  Writing has carried me across the country and on many amazing journeys—on paper and in my real world—and the best is yet to come. 

Do me a favor and try this exercise.  I just want to see what else is out there that makes people feel free. So fill in the blanks please:

If ____________ makes me feel free, why not feel free all the time? 

Then answer the question.  I realize that, depending on how you fill in the blank, some things you just can’t do all the time--no matter how fun it may be.  But is there a way for you to do it more often?